He bought her a Mothers Day card. He talks about himself so much but never asks about me. I dont want to push, I do want to give him space, but too much of that then leaves me feeling like I am not showing him my standards so then why should he value me. I really love this article. They had another baby but as the saying goes you shouldnt have a baby to fix things so they split up. Later on our conversation is dead Im always the one who make efforts. My boyfriend was CEO of the company when I know him, we both were very attracted to each other, but some how we missed the chance. We currently are not speaking its been three days, and this has been the longest fight weve ever had, since we always try fixing it right away and I feel like weve just gotten so exhausted and Ive just been so sad over the lack of effort he used to give. I recently had to end it with my bf of two years . I thinking breaking up with him is definitely a stretch, but Im tired of begging my boyfriend for some reasonable attention. I worked until 11 pm and he worked until 7 and this morning I even brought everything out ingredients wise for him to FOR ONCE make me dinner because I was getting home SO late and SO exhausted. That didnt rlly happen he didnt last a day without me. Im just commenting from what you said. and I can say that I would of made more of an effort. I sometimes wonder if my daughter was dating someone like him, if Id tell her to ditch him. When i and my parents call him to come home(as our culture) he dont bother about him.. That was another thing to disappoint me more. I dont know if he is afraid of fall in love, but he repeatedly went to silent non responsive, when I ask why, he always says he just been busy. We quarantined separately so have not seen each other for several months. I feel angry and resentful that going to school took him away from me while he was basically unavailable and busy. yes, I did reply. I give it some days to really think what I wanted to do and I decided I wanted to work it out so I talked to him and expressed how I felt and ask what made him want to do this. He Finds Your Attention Diverted. But he appriciate my participation in some kind of sexul things. Seriously WTF? months later of constant chats and calls he then confessed that he still love me and he was sorry for what happened in the past. Hasnt bought me nothing but flowers once and concert tickets which was canceled cuz of covid. I dont know what else to say about any of it, but I do know that Im getting more depressed by the day. https://www.bonobology.com/husband-does-not-give-me-attention im not sure what to do anymore. Please advice me on this. Theres a reason why the Geneva Convention bans sleep deprivation as torture What you need to do is make time to get a little bit of rest (and youll actually find that you will become more productive with a little rest too and not have to spend so much time lacking sleep). I think its not enough to say I dont feel like Im a priority. But I am tired of not having a life together anymore. 7) He thinks youre not interested and has given up If the guy who has suddenly started ignoring you was super interested not long ago but has apparently stopped pursuing you he could have decided to cut his losses. Don't be antagonistic towards him, but make him realize how much you August came around I went back to school. Recently, and at a time where my mental state has been absolute crap and I really needed some comfort, we didnt see each other for about a month and a half. I decided to tell him how I felt because its always best to tell the other person how you feel. I mentioned it many times, cant wait to get home and eat what youve made & have dinner with you! Soon realizing i wasnt going to come back to where i met him i tried to break it off. When I ask him about it hes adamant that he still wants to be with me for the long haul and that he still loves me the way that he did when we met, which I feel so bad for doubting but its just so hard not to when things change like that. I dont know why he got back with me when he cant even put effort. When a partner is heavily distracted by other commitments, tasks, stress, and anxiety, they may find it too challenging to redirect their attentionand they may even be so wrapped up that your needs don't even register. Hopefully, these reasons will let you know the answer if you are wondering why did he stop talking to me. I'm Laurie, creator of Uprooted She Blossoms and author of Growing Forward When You Can't Go Back. It seems ridiculous, but overachievers will develop workaholic habits and then feel guilty for doing something that they enjoy that isnt more work. It was over a year ago that I asked my boyfriend if he would take me out on a date, but it never happen. Just because he's hot and cold doesn't mean he isn't attracted to you and is backing out. And youll likely receive the same treatment. And now a year & half down the line we seem to be in a rut. I just want to stop his really hurtful and insensitive way of fighting. Oh my God this is so me. That way, I can assure two things. Did his feelings change? Anyway not sure what to do either but it helps to know Im not the only one. But theres other strange things he does, when we go on dates that require conversation like coffee or dinner, or drives, he doesnt start any conversations. My youngest is a 1 month and when she was about two weeks old he met this girl on a bar while hanging out with his best friend and got her number. Its been hard but there are better things to come. I absolutely abhor talking to anyone ever. I could write a book about the unfolding sh*t show rollercoaster I worried from that start of meeting the man of my dreams would end up being. But I needed to know if he still wanted the relationship with me because he has been so distant. I noticed he changed a bit, he does little effort in our relationship. And I decided Ive had enough, and it wasnt even a full month yet! Whenever I go anywhere its just me and the kids! I am like at the I dont know what to do stage right now my boyfriend is not even home because I told him to just leave we got together super fast and since the beginning I noticed that he wasnt affectionate at all but I thought he might be shy but as time passed he still is non affectionate at all! My birthday weekend was really rough. Most people reading this right now are probably thinking oh my god youre so young and u have so much time! Hello everyone, i have a story to share! And so on. I am actually tearing up as I type those words, he actually said that to me. In the beginning, I used to be very demanding and unreasonable towards my boyfriend when he didnt meet my expectations and basically caused him to withdraw emotionally and he stopped trying. Recently, despite being together for 5 years, I feel like a booty call. I relate so much with this comment its exhausting. Weve been arguing a lot because I just feel unappreciated, I just want flowers & thoughtfulness like I do for him. Girl and guy meet, girl is eager to see guy but cant find him, guy had gotten hit by a car, find each other on a dating app in a city full of a million people and start talking. He used to come over to my place so often no matter what day what time. I just feel hurt and we just had a big fight yesterday and I feel kinda empty. After crying and getting rid of the emotional baggage, I realize now how fortunate I am to be out of that relationship. Its too much. Hes shows effort but due to my insecurities I overthink when I stop seeing the efforts and assume the worst. Maybe I just need to not be so dependent and work on myself. For a while there I was wondering if he was a narcissist, player or just using me. Ive told him why I need contact to stay connected to each other n to feel secure n have fun. In the second year of the relationship we were going out a lot to bars and clubs, and he began to drink a lot, and would become very aggressive with me, and started to treat me bad. what is the project you have to work on together . I am clearly the one putting any effort into the relationship where I think I have just made it too easy for him. but up to now he doesnt understand what im pointing out and still refuses to make even small efforts. I dont do things just to expect it in return but you just want reassurance that youre appreciated. I have tried so many times to let the relationship go and have broken up with him, but he does not want to let me go. I thought hed at least try to make a plan. MUCH LOVE!!! I feel stuck, tired and so vary heavy like every step I take is being pulled back by large bricks as everyone else passes by at a much faster rate. Is Your Boyfriend's Mother Ruining Your Relationship? Even though hes not there, I definitely dont sit home pining away for him. But for about two of those months, weve been in a long distance relationship due to him being relocated for work and weve only really seen each other about two or three times irl. Dont let him have it easy. He goes out at night with his friends when his daughter is staying with him, but uses her presence as a reason not to spend time with me, yet he is happy to do Thanksgiving together. And think about the other person not just about yourself. I dont know what to do. I realized that despite all Ive shared with him about how his lack of effort makes me feel, he wasnt really listening or caring about it. And then the other half of me cant help but feel like perhaps he just doesnt want to go on a date with me at all and thats why he never made an effort. I love him to death, and I know he loves me. 1) You would start to see your boyfriend noticing how positive, content and a happy individual you are turning out to be suddenly, and then wonder if therell be any other guys whod potentially be eyeing youbecause you are really becoming such a happy and lovely girl. Then it was our anniversary two days later.he forgot. ! And then what we talked about was not set in stone and that things change. Either way I have decided to just sit back and live my life. Ive been with my boyfriend for a year now and I just dont know how to feel about things. And I get it, hes never been through the same things but I expect that. He has learning and growing to do. Any time i initiate sex, he either stiffens up, doenst move or lets out an exasperated sigh. So accept that it will be hard, cry about it for a week or two and try to move on with your life and realize that you deserved so much better then that pos. He wont text me all day till I text him. And to be fair to him around a year in he got the message and now regularly checks in and asks to meet up. He never brought it up again so I decided time to move on, clearly he is not interested. I asked him why he didnt and I wasnt yelling I only needed just an explanation. In the first half year it was the same and then overtime he gave up completely or thats how it feels like. Find a low-key, nonthreatening way to approach him. I would be the one driving to go see him, but I still over looked it and gave him benefit of doubt. We havent had sex on a Saturday in about a year. You dont have to ask him to take care of you or pull you out of that sorrow. One thing I have learnt over the years is that we shouldnt let our kindness be a weakness in front of men. Start by letting go slowly. He says he works so hard for me or us so we can have the things we want in life and Im so grateful but money isnt everything. Boy bye. Adeli, I was in a long distance relationship for 1 year, so I understand. he is a loyal person i know that but hes too self centered and he makes me feel like im not important. I am depressed as well and yet my partner is on top of my prioroty list. Then he texted me to see how I was doing. THEY ARE DRINKING AN BECOME LAZY. I am feeling, like my expectations may be too high. Were in our late 20s. Our plan for celebrating our anniversary like its nothing? He has lost interest in everything. You deserve so much more than whats going on and it seems like youve been by his side throughout all the ups and downs but he cant be the man you need. I had my final straw this past week with his lack of effort and I broke up With him. Its driving me crazy!! If youre reading this article and the comments, Im sorry youre here. Misery loves company, I guess, because I am so damn happy to know that someone else is suffering the same as me and now I dont feel just so alone. Im certain when he got up in the middle of the night drunk and angry because I was trying to cuddle and woke him up (he got dressed and turned all the lights on to start manically cleaning the house) that he probably threw them in the garbage. This is one of the biggest reasons a guy will notice when you stop texting him. He said hes not going through something. He sounds lazy and you sound unhappy. My boyfriend & I have been together for over 10 years. So any advice for me would be great! He texts me that his out with his friends and hes drunk. If you really love him and see potential in the relationship then give it a try. Is he back with me to punish me or hes still holding back because of the break up and I just need to wait? Also, find some time to do something that you enjoy. What do I do? Are circumstances in your boyfriends life affecting how he relates to you and others? "I stopped trying altogether," he said. My guy is the same way. He replied: about what? I mean, the love we have for them would still be there. Im lucky if I get a phone call from him. He has not made me do any of this. I have to fix myself and thats the problem with people now adays. Doesnt want to go do nothing but work on projects for the house. He is not a bad person, his life I guess doesnt have room for me..This decision has however, broken me, I know it was right but it still hurts I just hope I wasnt expecting too much??? I keep trying to be loving and affectionate and hes always too busy and it gets on his nerves because Im stopping him from doing whatever hes doing. No, I was this woman a few times in my life and it isnt seeing a place i sakd id never go to again. Just stop talking to him and stop making so much effort. Ive mentioned his lack of effort and he did take it on bored but recently Im seeing a slip into his old ways. he says that he cares and loves me but doesnt do anything to show me that. Im not asking for much, just some normal effort. There is little to no effort from my boyfriend and every time I try to communicate that with him nothing changes. Then he will call and say he thinks he will just wait until Sunday morning to come down, Sunday morning he says maybe that afternoon. He tells me I could come over to his familys Thanksgiving, but only after everyone has left and only for leftovers (aka forgo my Thanksgiving dinner with my family and eat reheated sides). Ive been with my boyfriend since July of 2020. It has created a balance to where I dont feel exhausted with trying to keep things going. He doesnt have any plans in those days and still he can not make an effort to spend that day with me, meanwhile I have 2 birthday parties and was ready to ditch them to spend time with him. I always want to do cute things for him but almost stop and second guess myself because I question why I should if he doesnt do that for me, and more importantly, WHY doesnt he want to? That said, he told me hes doing a lot better now and hes still acting distant. He did it once and that was it. What he said was he passed out and decided to sleep at friends place because he was afraid of driving late. I dont want to talk about marriage or kids or the future. he told me he loved me which he hasnt said in a week 1/2 i was shocked.. he acted normal but careless. He told me he loved me within weeks of us meeting. Im 22 & hes 25 , why arent we fucking like rabbits? Should I tell him how I feel about not talking enough or should I just let it fade away? Am I a horrible girlfriend for feeling this way? Whats the point ? OMGrelate!! hes always busy at work. Yet around the holidays, he has completely dropped off the radar and is barely giving me more than a one word text response back. But for him, anniversaries are pointless. I asked about the plan we made and he didnt answer he started to be mean to me and not talk and then he hung up on me after saying he wasnt gonna go to hoco with me or prom and that he didnt love me. This person called me a name during a fight, even after I said that Im not here for that. Instead of being apologetic or understanding how disappointed I was, naturally he got mad because Im never happy and hes tired of just being here for when I want something so as you can imagine its now Sat night and it never happened because now hes mad at me for demanding things and pouting when I dont get my way. Oddly enough he always deflects- citing the behavior hes guilty of against me like Im the one doing what he is.? through text, he claims to love me and all that, but in person, i feel like he does the bare minimum. Know your worth and dont settle for a man who doesnt act like hes got you pinned down, get a man who treats you like he cant get enough of you. It's also could be a sign your partner is unwilling to prioritize your relationship, communication has eroded, or you're no longer top-of-mind. I love this guy so much but I dont know what else to do, I dont want to live without him we have gotten so serious pretty fast. I got to see him in person for the first time and we were in love. I suffer from depression and when we argue it can put me In to a bad spell of lying in my bed crying for days and he just ignores me. 7 years this month, no anniversary, didnt even notice actually. He doesnt check up on me to see if Im okay or if I get home okay, and it just hurts me that he never wants to spend time with me when were out drinking with our friends? I allowed his lack of effort to continue for far too long. surprisely right after I unblocked him he sent me a message saying hi and hows life? And im as asian girl. I tried to get my best friend to take me (I cant drive) to his sisters baby shower so i could see him but i found out she no longer was friends with him and she hated that we were dating and regretted getting us together. You can do it xoxox, I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. Whereas if I was in his situation I would just leave (not during the lockdown). We still work on a project together so its not like I can just cut contact entirely, which I figured might be the reason why he is continuing to text, like he doesnt want things to get uncomfortable between us. Its insane. If youre not walking out the door, you are telling him that his behavior is acceptable. Right now I want to clear things out and make this the last time we talk about this, because in the last month I told him many times that I felt like he made no time for me and was making more effort to spend time with his friends than with me, and he doesnt even answers my texts. This man is no good for you, and he will never learn how to grow out of his depression if theres someone always doing everything for him. Then we were living in different countries. He used to be very motivated and neat. From what i have learned about him, I know he is someone who does not really know what dating is. He constantly tells me he loves me but its starting to feel less true. I stayed because I felt that I deserved to hear those things, I was being enlightened about what others saw in me but were just too polite to say to me. I didnt even realise I was expecting the bare minimum until it hit me while I was laying in bed after he hadnt messaged me all day because he was busy playing his game. I want to tell him that having me over for take out and to spend the night is not enough. When leaving to go home, 98% of time, he kisses me passionately and holds me tight. I feel very angry that his being occupied with school took him away from me and suffocated what little was left of an already struggling relationship. Damn this just made me cry because this is exactly what Im going through rn. If he doesnt wake up and go on the game he wakes up and lays down on the sofa (when not at work) I do all the DIY. Hi My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years now and weve lived together for 3.5 of those years. Im really worried because from October were doing it long distance and Im dreading that if Im not the one to go see him, were not gonna see each other for half a year. Now its almost been two weeks since weve seen each other. Ive communicated everything and yet nothing. He wanted to hang out everyday which at first I though was strange but I started to so after while it was weird for both of us to not be around each other every day. Yesterday he spent the whole day replaying to every single text with yeah or k. Theres no dignity or respect in how youre being treated. Also he NEVER wants to have sex so that concerns me too. This quarantine also suddenly ruined my relationship. Ive been dating Wes for about 6-7 months. Leaving a person you love is one of the hardest things to do. Texting in his way showed me just how little hed been giving me and Id been accepting it. My boyfriend and I have been together almost a year. I tried to talk to him about it multiple times, every time he would apologize and say he would be better, but he always fell back in the same routine. I dont want to push him away. So..instead of taking to his office or doing it later. I COME HOME AT 6 PM AND THE TRASH IS STILL THERE. I feel its all one sided. I spend half my time daydreaming about being actually taken care of by someone. I recently just been promoted to a great job.. That doesnt only mean that hes and guess what? pandemic and there is nothing to do. But also in the past few months he has also started growing his own pot, which I cant handle. Hi! Maybe he will brush his teeth at lunchtime but often he just smells like armpits and looks like a scruff and then wants to come to our clean bed that way. I feel like it would be easier being single which I dont want cuz hes a great guy other wise. He constantly tells me he loved me which he hasnt said in a rut have! N to feel secure n have fun me or hes still holding back of. Do anymore you shouldnt have a story to share person called me a saying. Keep things going a message saying hi and hows life great guy other wise of you or pull you of! And he makes me feel like it would be easier being single I. 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